


The Seven Sins Aren’t That Bad

by IAmDeadLocked



Series: Wade and the Seven Sins [1]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Biblical Sins Not The Anime, Depressed Wade Wilson, Envy!Bruce, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Found Family, Gluttony!Thor, Greed!Stephen, Lots of sex talk, Lust!Peter, M/M, No Real Knowledge Of The Bible, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pride!Tony, Prompt Based, Scarred Wade Wilson, Seven Deadly Sins, Sloth!Clint, The Sins Are Helpful In Their Own Way, The Sins Find Any And Every Reason To Have An Orgy, The Sins Love Wade And He Loves Them, They Give Bad Advice Most Times But They Try, Wade Buys a House That Turns Out To Be Haunted, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wikipedia is my Friend, WinterPool Endgame (James Barnes/Wade Wilson), Wrath!Steve, hello from the sin cave, insecure!wade, lots of cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmDeadLocked/pseuds/IAmDeadLocked
Summary: Wade wasn’t a religious person by any means. He didn’t believe in the fire burning, wails of the damned, ran by a red cape pitch fork weilding motherfucker aka Hell or the pearly white gates, winged baby things that lived ontop of the clouds, ran by a long bearded prejudice old man aka heaven. Although moving into his new house that he got for dirt cheap gives him a new wake up call.Turns out not only are heaven, purgatory, and hell are real but that all the Bible shit they talked about are real… namely the seven deadly sins.What the Bible and the avid church goers didn’t tell you is that the seven deadly sins are actually pretty cool people once you got past their sinful (Ha puns) nature.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, James "Bucky" Barnes/Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Everyone, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Wade and the Seven Sins [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924600
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	The Seven Sins Aren’t That Bad

**Author's Note:**

> Wrath  
> Steve 
> 
> Gluttony  
> Thor 
> 
> Pride  
> Tony 
> 
> Sloth  
> Clint 
> 
> Lust  
> Peter 
> 
> Envy  
> Bruce 
> 
> Greed  
> Stephen

_According to the standard list, they are pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth, which are contrary to the seven heavenly virtues. These sins are often thought to be abuses or excessive versions of one's natural faculties or passions.  
_

_-_

_Originating in Christian theology, the seven deadly sins are pride, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, sloth, and wrath. Pride is sometimes referred to as vanity or vainglory, greed as avarice or covetousness, and wrath as anger. Gluttony covers self-indulgent excess more generally, including drunkenness._

_-_

_  
The seven deadly sins were first enumerated—then eight in total—by the Christian ascetic Evagrius Ponticus in the 4th century CE. His work articulated a monastic consensus rooted in Hellenistic cosmology, which identified seven or eight planets that were guarded by corresponding aerial spirits._

_-_

_Evagrius Ponticus, also called Evagrius the Solitary, was a Christian monk and ascetic. One of the most influential theologians in the late fourth-century church, he was well known as a thinker, polished speaker, and gifted writer._

“Man fuck that guy! He was such a pretentious ass. I was absolutely NOT sad to see him go. They call me prideful? Should have seen him. He would have taken the cake if he wasn’t human.” 

Wade yelps as he quickly shuts the laptop and turns around. He blindly reaches for a gun he logically knows isn’t there as he tries to asses the situation. Instead of past enemies like he imagined, he gets Pride. As in the literal demon from hell called Pride. 

_‘“The Great Sin” that leads to all other sins, because pride is the exaltation of Self above all authority, even God's authority. Pride is cosmic arrogance. Pride is also the excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. Pride is also known as Vanity._ _Or as he’s been asked to call him… Tony.’_ Wade’s mind unhelpfully shares. 

“I have a heart condition AND PTSD you sick fuck.” Wade tries to say. In reality all that comes out is “you …. fuck” between his panting. 

“No no darling. I’m Pride remember. If you want to fuck, which let’s be honest you and everyone else on this god forsaken,” Tony let’s out a pleased grin at his pun, “planet wants to fuck me. I get it. I’m beautiful, stunning, alluring, down right drop dead gorgeous really... Where was I going with this? Oh right, I’m Pride. If you want to fuck someone, go find Peter. He’s outside tanning.” Tony says soothingly while gently rubbing Wade’s back and shoulders in silent apology.

Wade shudders at the impromptu massage and tries to collect his thoughts. He gently grabs the hands when they make their way to his his shoulders in a silent acceptance with a weak smile on his face. _‘It’s ok.’_ Wade tries to project through his facial expressions. He doesn’t know if it works because of the scars but from Tony’s breath taking grin he hopes it does.   
  
Had this happened in the beginning of when they met Wade would have thought Tony was mocking him for some reason or another like other people have down and continue to do when he leaves his home. Now though he takes it for what it is and holds on to the apology. Tony tries to make Wade feel proud about who he is, what he looks like, and how far he’s come. Some days it works other days it doesn’t. 

Instead of acknowledging the random moment the two just shared, Wade decides to ask about Peter. 

**Peter aka Lust. ‘** _Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.’_ Short and simple but still drives the point home. Peter is a nerdy, hipster looking man that shouldn’t look as scrumptious as he does. He has a face of a fourteen year old and a body of god...not that Wade would say that to him… again.

Wade said exactly that once and being smacked by an upset demon is on his never repeat ever again list. The resulting silent treatment that came after wasn’t fun either. Let it be said that demons are the best at holding grudges. No one knows what Wade had to do to get back in Peter’s good graces. 

Peter likes to flirt with anything and under the sun and moon. In old times before the set up Peter would have been just his type, now however it’s just easier to ignore his sexual drive than it is to pursue it much to Peters offense. 

Peter likes to try and set him up with men and women all over the city. Tries and fails ten out of ten times mainly from the lack of effort on Wades part. 

“Why is Peter out tanning again? Can you guys even get tan?” 

“No but that’s never stopped him before. Besides who are we to crush his one dream of actually becoming one shade darker than a snowflake in an undiscovered forest of untouched snow and meeting the person of his dreams.” Tony deadpans, causing Wade to burst out laughing. He smiles and pats Wade's shoulders before letting go and stepping away, knowing that all is truly forgiven for the scare. Tony moves over to sit on the lounge chair next to wades computer desk that Wade has mentally dubbed his. 

“Why are you looking that garbage up anyway? Didn’t you come to terms with the situation and us after week three? Steve is not going to be happy about this, my little broken yet still so beautiful butterfly. Not happy at all. Not only were you still looking up facts about us when you could oh I don’t know... Just. Ask. Us. Directly.” Each word is accompanied by a boop on the nose. “Not to mention Steve HATES that guy. Don’t ask why because we’ve all known each other for eons and we still don’t understand the reasoning behind it. I hope you’re prepared for a long ass lecture and many, many broken dishes.”

**Steve aka Anger.** _Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath._

Just knowing that they (they being the internet) called anger and ‘it’ had Steve on the fritzs for a week. It took a combined effort of the six other sins to calm him down enough so that he would at least stop destroying all of Wade’s furniture.

That was a fairly terrible but strangely enjoyable week for Wade. One one hand he lost almost all of his “nice” furniture but on the other hand... on the other hand he learned that the sins were some kinky demons and that Thor was bendier than expected.

Steve… well Steve just tries to get him to punch people ten times his size. Really punching people is Steve’s way of trying to get Wade to stop letting people walk all over him, which is nice in his own way or it would be if Wade’s face, body, and emotions didn’t suffer for it. 

“First of all, Steve is very rarely happy about anything, for such a tiny dude he holds A LOT of rage. I want to know where he stores it and why. Secondly, I started buying dishes from the dollar store in bulk so Steve can break as many as he wants all day and all night long to his little hearts content so long as he cleans it up I don’t give a fuck. Lastly, I was just curious and was going to write something down to ask you guys later on at the family dinner. Fourthly, do you have to tell him? Can’t we just keep it to ourselves?” 

“I do have to tell him because if I don’t and he finds out then we are both in the dog house and I have to look out for the number one person in this house. That is me in case you missed it. Did you really just say lastly and then fourthly?” Tony sighs deeply “Your English is terrible, never mind the order of it kids these days don’t understand the beauty that the English literature could be…”

Wade flips him off, Tony winks and blows a kiss. “So you’re gonna tell Steve on me? I bought you loved me.” 

“I don’t have to tell Steve anything, that demon can just smell when we are trying to hide something. He’s like a fucking bloodhound. Need I remind you of the Great Incident of Walmart and how he is no longer allowed to go shopping with you, not even under pain of death? Your court case is coming up by the way.”

They both take a moment to stop and shudder. “Point for you and don’t remind me.” Wade groans.   
  
“Hey is the family dinner still on? I thought the two knuckleheads were fighting or something?” Tony asks as he cleans underneath his nails. 

“I don’t think they’re fighting? Honestly I thought it was some weird courting game Bruce and Thor are playing? But never mind that can you at least wait to tell Steve til after dinner. I’m sure he’s already raging about something and I would like to sit down to eat with you guys all together since it’s been awhile. I didn’t have many family dinners as a kid or as a teenager… or as an adult. Come to think of it I never really had a family dinner before you guys. How pathetic is that? I’m having dinners with the demons that no one else but me can see. I think I need more therapy or alcohol. Mmm definitely need more alcohol.” He mumbles to himself. 

“No no honey what you need is some love, care and a lot of self confidence which as the king of self confidence I can help you with. Aren’t you lucky?” Tony moves off the seat, comes over and kisses Wade on the forehead softly while wrapping his arms around his body. He hold Wade against his chest and once again starts to rub his back. “Whether people can see us or not we are just as real as they are and we will take care of you. We will get you to where you need to be soon enough. Speaking of, have you eaten today? You’re still too skinny for our liking and I think Thor is making lunch.” 

“I had a bagel this morning before my run I think.” Wade says. 

“Babe… you went on a run at 5 am. It’s 2 pm. We’ve been over this. Three full meals a day with protein shakes in between each meal. Remember the motto: Depressed on the inside, sexy on the outside. Now let’s go, my little horror story wet dream.” 

“Tony that literally makes zero sense. If I’m depressed on the inside why the fuck would I want to look sexy on the outside? Hey! Little horror story wet dream is just awful and I will revoke you nickname giving privileges if they do not improve by the way.” He gets up and follows dutifully even as he complains. Thor’s lunches were legendary and he’d be a fool to miss it plus it’s one less thing for Steve to get angry at. 

“It’s logical really, fake it til you make it big man. If your outer appearance is on point you can pretend everything is fine and eventually one day you’ll realize that you won’t have to pretend anymore because it’s true. Something like that anyway. I think there is a saying like Fake a smile and one day it’ll be real. Ask Stephen or Bruce, they did the most with the squishy sciences, devil knows why. They get to live life on earth and they chose to study the medicinal sciences. I’d rather be a virtue than to do that.” 

Wade smiles as he let’s Tony’s voice wash over him as he gets lost in thought. 

**Bruce aka Envy and Thor aka Gluttony.**

_Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation._

Bruce didn’t really seem to fit the envy bill much like Peter didn’t fit the lust bill. He is a small, mild-mannered, quiet, and out of all the sins the most logical most times. When everything went down and Wade met all the sins for the first time Bruce was the one who got him to see reason and calmed him down enough not to … well Wade doesn’t want to think about what he would have done if it wasn’t for Bruce. It wasn’t until Wade saw Bruce literally get green with envy when he went to his first group therapy session that he understood why he was a sin. That’s something they don’t talk about though, much like the Great Incident of Walmart. Bruce tries to make Wade want better for himself with things like better clothes, jewelry, food and whatever else captures his mind. 

_Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires._

Thor though is the exact opposite of Bruce. He fits his sinful nature to a tee. He was boisterous, larger than life indulging in everything his heart desired. Looking at him was more than enough to show that he was gluttony. Wade learned that although most people thought that gluttony was over indulging in eating it was so much more than that. Gluttony was the desire to indulge in anything your heart and body desired. Sex, money, food, whatever. You wanted it, gluttony made you crave it in large (somewhat unhealthy, don’t tell Thor though) portions. Thor and Wade quotes “Wants to make you fat.” Even though Thor made sure to state his sin isn’t meant just for food, he thinks Wade is too skinny therefore uses his nature to make Wade eat. 

“You know when we are finished eating Clint’s probably gonna pop out of the vents or some shit and tell you to take a nap.” Tony suddenly says while looking back at Wade. His look says that he knows Wade hadn’t heard a word he said on their journey, but the fondness in it tells him that Tony didn’t care. Wade would kiss him in thanks but that would only go to Tony’s head and no one wanted anything to go to his head. “Clint is back? When did that happen?” 

“Yeah he came back this morning with some rather mediocre news about how we are still banished to mortal world yada yada yada. Fury is a little bitch is all I'm saying. Anyway, we told him you haven’t been sleeping well so yeah, expect an ambush immediately after lunch.” Wade sighs dramatically. “Can no one keep a secret in this house?” 

**Clint aka Sloth**

_Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work._

Clint fit the bill of sloth very well. If he wasn’t silently lurking the vents or fucking he could be found sleeping somewhere in the sun like a lazy ass cat. Clint was probably Wade's favorite sin because he always wanted to rest and take a nap. Wade was always down for a nap especially after spending any long amount of time with the others (who were always on the move) or if Wade couldn’t sleep the night before and just needed a calming presence to help ease his mind. Clint just wanted Wade to have a normal sleep schedule. 

“Nope!” Clint drops down from somewhere. 

Speak of the devil...er...demon? “SON OF A COCK SUCKING BITCH CAN YOU NOT?” Wade drops to the floor and holds his chest, hand right over his rapidly beating heart. “If one more person gets the drop on me I am siccing Steve on them I swear to God.” They both hiss at him. Wade hisses back and glares even harder while breathing heavily. “Try me you little fuckers. I dare you to. Holy shit I am going to pass out.” Tony slaps Clint on the back of the head as he makes his way over to Wade. “You’ll be fine big guy. Just breathe. Besides” Tony gets a sly look on his face that makes Wade wary even in the middle of his panic attack. “We are all willing to take turns giving you mouth to mouth if you really need it. Peter will be first in line.” 

Wade groans and sits on his butt so that he can put his head between his legs. He feels four sets of hands on his body. Two on his back rubbing up and down, the other two massaging his scarred head. Out of nowhere another set of hands join the two on his back causing him to startle just a little. “I’m fucking telling Steve.” he mumbles without looking up.  
“What are you telling Steve?” a posh voice asks with amusement and worry from directly behind him. Legs wrap around his own and two arms wrap around his midsection. 

**Stephen aka Greed**

_Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness._

Stephen hates those other names and barely tolerates the name Greed. 

Stephen helps Wade with his finances. Before Stephen Wade just spend most of his money on stupid things that held little to no meaning. Things like the house he currently lives in. Wade remembers fondly of the time he showed Stephen his spending habits. The look of pure horror on his face was the first time Wade laughed so hard it had his side in stitches. He hadn’t laughed that hard since before the scars, before the army, high school? Wade couldn’t actually remember laughing hard so it's been awhile. They all stared at him, making him slowly stop laughing and try to cover himself up and back away slowly. Try because Peter stopped him from hiding and said “My oh my. You were beautiful before but that smile, that laugh...Fuck Wade you are drop dead goregous when you do that.” The others just nodded, awe in their faces like Wade just gave them the holy grail. Stephen was pretty cocky after that. One would have thought HE was Pride much to Tony’s offense. 

“I’m telling Steve that everyone keeps trying to kill me via heart attack. He’s gonna kick all of your asses in all his six foot two ninety eight pound glory.” 

Stephen just chuckles. “I’d like to see him try.” 

“I’m telling him you said that too.” 

Wade says as he slowly lifts his head and lowers his legs from his scrunched position when he feels somewhat better. He leans back into Stephen’s body. The three pairs of hands leave his body causing Wade to groan in disappointment. “No one said you had to take your hands away.” 

The others chuckle, which rude. 

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” Thor’s voice booms from the other side of the room they’re in. “Must you yell?” Bruce steps in behind him, his hand dragging across Thor’s back as he passes him on his way to the four on the floor. Without preamble he sits next to Tony on Wade’s left. “Are we having a ‘Wade is feeling pitiful and needs cheered up’ party again?” Bruce asks as he leans in and kisses Wade’s forehead. Thor makes his way over and lifts Clint to steal his spot before sitting him on his lap. “Seems like it.” he responds before the others can.  
“A party without moi? You guys are terrible. I should have been called. I’ve been told I’m very good at cheering people up.” a voice purrs from behind them. Peter enters the room, walks around the group and settles himself on Wade’s lap nuzzling his head under Wade’s chin. “Comfy?” Wade asks. “For the most part. I’d be much comfier if something was-” “Peter darling now isn’t the time.” Bruce interrupts as everyone else snickers at the blush that Wade still can’t control when Peter talks in that manner. “I brought you nurishment.” Thor says after they all quieted down. He then pulls out a covered plate which turns out to be fruit, cheese, and meat. Wade doesn’t even question where it was hiding. Much to use to the others pulling things out of thin air. Like a good housewife from the 20s Wade dutifully opens his mouth when offered the food not willing to risk the lecture he’d get for declining. He’s not really hungry especially after the scares and panic attacks but the alternative is worse so he deals. 

The only thing missing from the moment they were having was...

Steve stomps into the room, his fist shaking at the group on the floor. “We have a new fucking neighbor and I hate him.” 

… Angry Steve. 

“Ok but why are you mad about that?” Wade asks stupidly, glancing at Tony as he pushes Bruce off his side to crawl over to his lover placing his face directly into his crotch. “I missed you.” 

Steve sighs. “Tony now is not the time! We have a new neighbor. It is time for war not sex.” Peter makes an offended noise. “There is always time for sex you heathen.” Steve turns to glare at Peter. They begin to argue. 

Everyone else just zones them out while Tony is still whispering sweet nothings into Steve’s lower half. 

“Does anyone want to take a bet on if Tony is talking to Steve or Steve’s dick?” Clint asks as he feeds Wade a piece of meat wrapped in cheese. Bruce takes over Tony’s vacant spot and makes himself comfortable. Everyone minus Peter just shrugs. “Honestly it’s fifty fifty.” 

_It was weird. Living with the sins should be making Wade a worse person but in all actuality the sins were making Wade better. Slowly but surely His self esteem has kind of risen, he’s gained weight, he sleeps more, he’s better at money management, he’s getting out and meeting more people, he doesn’t let as many people walk over him, and he’s learning how to go after the things he wants just like he’s seen others do. Ever since the accident that gave him his scars and probably before that if he’s being honest, Wade hasn’t been at his best. Depression and anxiety warring inside of him, slowly but surely turning into a hermit. Moving into the rundown previously abandoned home has been the best thing to happen to him in a long time maybe ever. While it isn't always a walk in the park living with sins, he is never bored or lonely._

_God Wade loved living with the sins._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Loved it?  
> Hate it? 
> 
> Forgot I made this and decided to reread. Did not realize how many mistakes I made. Edited to the best of my ability 2-1-2021. 
> 
> Let me know🥺🥺  
> Comments keep my needy heart running ❤️


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